What is Lent? In the Roman Catholic Church, Lent is a gloomy, 40-day season of fasting and self-flagellation that begins with good intentions on Ash Wednesday and ends with gluttony on Easter Sunday. You may have Catholic friends who talk about giving up candy or soda or cigarettes during Lent. This is symbolic of giving up your sinful ways. Ideally, Catholics would make such sacrifice and be reborn at Easter. In reality, Easter means scarfing down loads of whatever vice you gave up and thanking God you made it through those six weeks of hell.
Primarily, Lent is the season for celebrating penance (an oxymoron if there ever was one). It is rather like an extended version of the sacrament of Reconciliation (a.k.a. confession) where you pretend you’re sorry for a bunch of things and trust that reciting a few prayers will get you into heaven.
Who makes all these rules? While the rules of Lent are set forth in the Code of Canon Law (for the Roman Catholic Church), they can be modified by the bishops of a particular country. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops tends to be pretty mercurial in their interpretation of the law. For example, they revised the definition of fasting to mean eating one full meal and two partial meals with protein shakes allowed in between.
What’s the deal with the ashes? Lent begins with Ash Wednesday, which according to americancatholic.org is one of the most attended liturgies of the year. Apparently, people come for the free dirt. The purpose behind being smudged on the forehead is to remind us of our mortality (“remember that you are dust”) and to mark you as a Catholic so that coworkers can call you out for eating an Italian sub in the lunchroom.
What should I do if I see someone with ashes on their forehead? As a lapsed Catholic, I often forget what time of year it is until I see that telltale black smudge on various foreheads. Still, my first instinct is to tell them they’ve got something on their face. That’s a true sign of how far lapsed I am. Really, you should nod and smile and tactfully wait until they are out of earshot before exploding with laughter.
During a fit of leniency in 1966, the U.S. Bishops reduced this restriction to only Lenten Fridays. Why meat? Because people like it and notice its absence. Meat is also a primary source of rank flatulence, and, back then—between the lack of sewage systems and the piles of horse crap filling the roads—there was already an overabundance of foul odors.
What is the purpose of fasting? Aside from its sacrificial joys, fasting before Easter is supposed to cleanse you so that you can celebrate the ecstasy of Christ’s resurrection with an “uplifted and clear mind.” Fasting is also an aid to prayer, as the pangs of hunger remind us of our hunger for God. Or our hunger for a juicy burger. Whichever one is stronger.
Does the Church have specific laws about fasting? Is the Pope Catholic? Here are the rules: Catholics between 18 and 59 are obliged to fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Catholics age 14 and older must abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday and Lenten Fridays. However, a good Catholic will know the loopholes. For example, even though solid meat is forbidden, it is permissible to eat chicken broth or to pour bacon drippings down your throat.
Additionally, the Church dispenses (pardons) airport workers and those traveling aboard ships or planes from the laws of fasting. However, they must perform other pious acts instead. This gives new meaning to the mile-high club.
What is Holy Week? It is the home stretch of Lent and includes themed days such as Palm Sunday, Tiresome Tuesday, Wicked Wednesday, Maundy Thursday (the Last Supper), Good Friday (the Crucifixion), Holy Saturday and Super Bowl Sunday (the Hail Mary).
Holy Week is a time to commemorate and re-enact the suffering and death of Jesus, which is why Catholic schoolchildren often put on crucifixion plays. (In the Philippines, one lucky person actually gets nailed to a cross). The Stations of the Cross is another popular and violent aspect of Holy Week where Catholics indulge in scenes of Jesus’ betrayal, arrest, trial and death. It is rather like an episode of Law and Order.
I’m a non-Catholic planning on marrying a Catholic. Are there other rules about Lent that I should know? Weddings cannot take place during Holy Week or Lenten Sundays. And any wedding held during Lent cannot be lavish or elaborate unless you are a celebrity or marry aboard an airplane (see above).
During Lent, faithful Catholics are urged to attend Mass as often as possible. (It looks good on your resume at the pearly gates.) You should be prepared for this as Lent usually falls during March Madness, and you may find yourself being dragged to church instead of enjoying the basketball game.
One resourceful reverend created an online competition combining religion with sports. It is called Lent Madness, and you should check it out. Please note that this was developed by an Episcopalian reverend so the Catholic Church likely frowns upon it.
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