Woman Mortified by Flash Mob Gone Awry

By Dima Duzzen, Contributing Writer

It was a typical dreary New Jersey morning when Erin Hawthorne went to her cubicle job at XYZ Corporation. What she does at XYZ Corporation isn’t important—and nobody really knows anyway. What matters is that at approximately 11:14 a.m., a young man from IT walked by Erin’s cubicle and began to dance.

Strains of Lady Gaga filtered through the office as Erin received glares and hoots from coworkers who thought her responsible for the interruption.

Around the second verse, the dancing young man from IT was joined by the Human Resources staff, the Marketing Department and even Mildred, the 92-year-old secretary with a hip implant, in a rather nauseating version of “Born This Way.” (The Accounting Department would like the record to state that they were noticeably absent.) The XYZ Corporation employees shimmied, shook and sashayed themselves silly for four minutes as Erin turned a unique shade of purple and tried to hide under her desk.

While it appeared spontaneous, the flash mob was actually organized by balding middle manager, Lenny, who had the group practicing for weeks during illicit coffee breaks and rogue staff meetings. Lenny hit upon the flash mob idea to show support of Erin who had come out to her colleagues as a staunch Republican lesbian at a summer office party where the drinks flowed freely.

The problem? Erin had not yet informed her liberal Christian parents or her husband of 15 years that she was gay.

The problem blew up into a crisis when the “Born This Way” flash mob went viral on YouTube thanks to the awesome videography and SEO expertise of another young man from IT named Bill.

As we went to press, Erin’s parents were not speaking to her and her husband was last seen wandering the streets of their New Jersey neighborhood muttering, “Republican!”

On the bright side, former Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter, Mary Cheney, reportedly tweeted to Erin: “Call me! Maybe.”

Check out a less embarrassing "Born This Way" flash mob that took place in a British Columbia mall during 2011 Gay Pride celebrations.