2012 Election Coverage: National Conventions for Dummies

by Justin Hale, Washington correspondent

Hello, Justin Hale here, reporting to you with up-to-the-minute details on the upcoming Democratic and Republican National conventions. As I am a registered Libertarian, you can trust my point of view to be unbiased.

Let’s start with the basics. 

Why do we have national conventions?
Held every four years, these high-priced events give politicians a reason to party, collect money and strut before the media. Sometimes they even nominate presidential candidates. 

GOParty!

The two conventions are nothing alike. The Democratic Party (“party of the common man”) consists of rich white men rallying for an economically and socially diverse America, while the Republican Party (“Grand Old Party”) consists of rich white men rallying for other rich white men. In this case, the rich white man looks to be that fellow from Massachusetts as the official Republican National Convention website declares: “Learn about Mitt Romney: Presumed Republican Nominee.” Rick who?

The other purpose of the national conventions is for each party to announce its policy platform, otherwise known as “the things they’ll claim to do if elected.” Expect these platforms to be exaggerated and overused during the rest of the campaign and please note that they are not at all binding.

Can I attend the conventions?
Certainly.  The Democratic National Convention will be held in Charlotte (a city of “southern charm and modern sophistication” located in one of the Carolinas) from September 3-6. You could win a free trip to Charlotte just by donating $5. If you go, check out CarolinaFest on Day 1. It’s a free, family-friendly event being touted as the most accessible in convention history. So be sure to leave your wallet at home and avoid sniper-friendly spaces.

The GOP holds their convention next week (August 27-30) in Tampa, as Florida has always been good to Republicans. More than 70,000 delegates, party officials, journalists and protesters are expected to hit Tampa as is Tropical Storm Isaac, which should be up to hurricane force by then.

What’s new this year?
2004 was the first convention to include a press corps of bloggers. (The first time I heard the word 'blogger' I envisioned little frogs being squashed by cars as they leaped across the highway.) Blogs allowed the public to post comments, questions and sarcastic remarks online. Which meant that people like Roy from Fish Haven, Idaho, could join in the political festivities. He didn’t even have to know how to spell “political;” he only needed Internet access.

Cool Infographics!

Eight years later, social media has exploded into many avenues, yet it’s basically the same. Now Roy from Fish Haven, Idaho, can follow you on Twitter, friend you on Facebook and stalk you at access-friendly CarolinaFest. Ah, technology.

If you’re a news junkie, you can follow all the convention details from your phone or pad since both parties have created mobile apps. The Republicans named theirs the “Convention Without Walls,” which appears quite fitting with Hurricane Isaac on its way. 

In another nod toward being accessible, the Democratic National Convention Committee is allowing people to register for a Tweetup (an in-person meetup of social media gurus) and—wait for it… to sign up for a podium tour! The fun never ends in Charlotte.

Can you tell me what each party stands for?
Not really, and neither can they. However, let’s look at the candidates’ websites.  

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan (www.mittromney.com) are posing as America’s Comeback Team. “Comeback from what?” is the question posed by bloggers at Stuff Black People Don’t Like. (Yes, it’s an actual website.) 

The good news is that Mitt Romney’s Plan for a Stronger Middle Class will provide more jobs and more take-home pay! Here’s how: 

1. Give every family access to good schools and quality teachers!! (how?)
2. Open new markets for American goods and services!! (where?)
3. Build a tar sands pipeline that will destroy wildlife habitat in six U.S states and threaten us with oil leaks and polluted water! Yay!!

Support Romney with this shirt.

Show your support for Romney now by ordering the “Built It” T-shirt.

On their website (www.barackobama.com), Barack Obama and Joe Biden call themselves the Truth Team. The President tells the financial truth up front (“Romney makes more money than I do”) by asking you to "close the gap" with a donation. Then you can learn the facts about Rombama and get the whole truth straight from the mouth of former president Bill Clinton. 

President Obama’s site includes a section of fun infographics (depicting everything from foreign countries that benefit from Romney’s Tax Plan to how Obama is helping kids go to college) and a program called the Romney Tax Calculator that tells you how much you’ll pay (or get back) in taxes depending on who becomes President. 

Enjoy a steaming mug of Joe Biden!

About the only section of Obama’s website that didn’t talk about Romney was the Store, which showcased a wide range of pretty cool merchandise including an “I Meow for Michelle” cat collar and a “Cup of Joe” Biden mug.

As you can plainly see, the national conventions are a media circus of confused politicians.

Perhaps author Norman Mailer said it best when in 1976 he described the national conventions as: "a fiesta, a carnival, a pig-rooting, horse-snorting, band-playing, voice screaming medieval get together of greed, practical lust, compromised idealism, career- advancement, meeting, feud, vendetta, conciliation of rabble-rousers, fist fights, embraces, drunks and collective rivers of animal sweat."

And from this, America gets its leader.