Are You Ready for Your Kids To Go Off to College? (A Back-to-School Quiz for Parents)

It’s that time of year when kids return to school, and, if you are the parent of a college-aged child, you might be experiencing some major feelings of loss. Your baby is about to head out into the adult world! (Or, at least, what poses as the adult world for a little while.) Can you handle it? Are you prepared for anything?

Take the quiz below to see how well you can go with the flow.

A.     I plan to celebrate my child’s entry into college by:

a.     Taking him on a dorm shopping spree

b.     Driving him to school amid teary farewells

c.      Booking a cruise for my spouse and me – finally!

B.     I understand that the first year of college may result in:

a.     Homesick phone calls and requests for money

b.     Weight gain of about 15 pounds (for everyone involved)

c.      Pregnancy scares

C.     My plans for Junior’s bedroom:

a.     Clean every inch of it to my satisfaction

b.     Keep everything exactly as is for his frequent visits home

c.      Goodbye bedroom, hello yoga studio!

D.     Care packages to my child will include:

a.     Checks and expensive steaks

b.     Stuffed animals and gooey love notes

c.      A forwarding address

E.     My own college years were:

a.     A nightmare of exams and research papers

b.     A quest for Mr. Right

c.      A quest for Mr. Right Now

F.     When I find myself crying over my child’s absence, I will:

a.     Distract myself with some other activity

b.     Journal about my fears and insecurities

c.      Surprise him with a visit and a six-pack of beer

G.     My decorating scheme for my child’s dorm is:

a.     Zen minimalism: desk, chair, books—no distractions from studying

b.     Pink virginal fabrics and a huge photo of her father, the policeman

c.      Just like mine was—lava lamps, beaded curtains and a box of condoms

H.     What I most want my child to get out of college is:

a.     An employable double major and a 4.0 GPA

b.     A bigger appreciation for me

c.      A groovy experience

I.      What I least want my child to get out of college is:

a.     An expectation of me to pay for grad school

b.     Stress from academic and peer pressure

c.      A case of herpes

J.      My biggest fear is that these college years will:

a.     Be a complete waste of money

b.     Intoxicate my child with alcohol, drugs and sex

c.      Be so fun for me that I’ll never want my child to come back

K.     The best advice I can offer my child is:

a.     Stay away from liberal arts majors

b.     Never trust a professor who hangs out at college bars

c.      Some of the world’s most successful people are college dropouts

If you answered mostly As, your child is likely the self-absorbed kind who will live at home, unemployed, until his thirties. If you are mostly Bs, you’re just asking for rebellion and early grandparenthood. If you are mostly Cs, it sounds like you should probably go back to college yourself.

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