Trending Now: Celebrities Running for Office

by Mo Tickleson, Features

Roseanne Barr, 2012 Green Party Candidate

Who knew in February, when TV’s Roseanne announced her candidacy for the Presidential race that it would spark a celebrity stampede for political office? While Roseanne Barr officially has her name on the Green Party ballot for June, a few Hollywood hopefuls have just recently tossed their hats into the ring.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is rumored to be seeking loopholes for a way to run for President even though he was not born in the United States.

Friends of the Terminator remain optimistic. “After all,” said one. “Arnold did hold Republican support as California governor for 8 years even though he’s pro-choice, pro-gay rights and pro-gun control. So, really, anything’s possible.”

Former NFL player and coach, Mike Ditka

Former NFL player, coach and ultra-conservative Mike Ditka—who almost ran against Obama in 2004 for an open seat in the U.S. Senate for Illinois—announced his plan to oppose frontrunner, Mitt Romney, in the Republican nomination.

Ditka punched his fist into the air and said, “Someone has to wipe that smirk off Romney’s face. Might as well be someone with THREE Super Bowl rings.” According to Ditka’s press secretary, fellow Republican Meatloaf has already been slated to sing at the presidential inauguration.

Actor and political activist Charlton Heston sent a message from the otherworld (through Shirley MacLaine) that he’s tempted to come back to join the 2012 race.

Shirley said Heston posed these questions: “Is it possible, like the Oscars, to be nominated for U.S. President posthumously?” “What kind of name is Mitt?” and “Who in their right mind wouldn’t vote for Moses?”

Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari of "Bosom Buddies"

On the Democratic side, fan favorite Tom Hanks announced his bid for the party’s nomination.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Obama, but I want to be sure a Democrat stays in the White House,” said Hanks. “And I believe the current political climate is calling for a Bosom Buddy.”

Hanks said he already has plans to appoint Steven Spielberg as Cabinet Director. The actor’s potential vice presidential running mates are Steven King, Larry David and Oprah.

Peter Scolari declined to comment.

Political analyst Thomas Q. Walsh had this to say: “Being famous does not guarantee political victory.” [examples: John Glenn, Oliver North and Bill Bradley] “A celebrity needs three things for a chance of winning: excellent communication skills, political shrewdness and the ability to stay out of the tabloids.” Thankfully, this rules out the Kardashians.

Walsh added, “The best celebrity candidates are those who can relate to the average American.”

When pressed for an opinion on the current crop of Hollywood candidates, Walsh said, “Sports are huge in middle America. So is pent-up rage. I think Ditka has the best shot.”

See ya, Obama. Make way for Da Prez.